WTF

I bought a birthday outfit for my daughter, which arrived last week. There were two boxes addressed to me, I tore into both of them (literally) and found that one of the boxes contained another woman's order. I emailed the company immediately, but they could not figure out what had happened, so I told them to let me know when they figured out their mistake. Last night, apparently, they did. They asked me to return the skirt - so I said, no problem, just send me a box so I can mail it back (I'm not in the habit of keeping shipping boxes around my house or paying for boxes when it wasn't my mistake). The response I got is below.

Contact my husband? Seriously? Is that like, "Just wait until your father gets home?" 

I do have a huge moving box in the garage... maybe that would work.

And did you all know this about receiving merchandise shipped to you by error?

I have no idea why you are such a miserable person.  Just keep in mind that your behavior in this matter, will lead to much larger problems.

At this point, you have just admitted that you threw away a box to a product that you knew was not yours. You have the skirt, that you know is not yours and the act of throwing away the box, is an act of deceit and intent to keep a product that someone else paid for, and needs for her little girl.

Yes, we made a mistake, and sent you YOUR order and by error sent you [other woman's] order. The proper, human thing to do is to seal the box back up, tell us you have a skirt that is not yours, and allow us to pick it up.

I am going to give you 12 hours to paypal us the $59 for the skirt, OR package up the skirt that you do not own, and allow us to pick it up, or I am contacting the police department in your city and I will file a complaint. You have had the property, that is not yours, for over a week. You would not admit that you had it, when we asked you directly. You replied "Figure out your own mistake".

I am also going to contact your husband, because he may be able to talk sense into you. It is stealing, what you are doing. You have shown intent to keep what is not yours.

I have never come across anyone like you. I prey I never do. Your rudeness, and inhumane behavior is troubling.

Just Say No

What is this? 'Critically Acclaimed' by whom? Timothy Leary and Aldous Huxley? I fell off the Hipster wagon, someone enlighten me. What am I missing here?

I Love a Good Bottle

Reminds me of Loudon Wainright's White Wino lyrics:

Mother liked her white wine

she'd have a glass or two

almost every single night

when her day was through

Six Degrees of Playgroup Dating

I live in a different world (and city) than most of my friends from school or childhood - which means once I had a baby, I moved to an entirely different planet. Lately, I've been trying to establish relationships with other women in playgroups, regular haunts (caffeine and wine merchants) and my neighborhood and it feels more like awkward pre-teen dating. 

One woman who I seemed to have a lot in common with was in both my yoga and library group and unfortunately, after catching her maiden name on our email list, I Facebook'd her. Turns out I'm fairly sure that we not only went to college together, but she has witnessed a few rum filled, i-need-a-guy-to-define-my-self-worth VERY public frat party screaming  matches with my emotionally unavailable ex-college beau (who is now getting married, Congrats [enter Irish name here]! You've presumably reached emotional maturity and/or found a woman young enough to assume she can help you get over Oedipus complex, ahhhh youth). I digress.

Suddenly, her friend potential plummets. I cannot possibly go out on a third date and face the "Where did you go to school/meet your husband/move to?" stage because at some point, the light bulb will go on or she'll discover my maiden name and then it will all come rushing back and she will no longer be able to picture me as a doting mother, but as one of Captain Morgan's victims of binge drinking. 

Damn. If only they had Match.com for playdates (the clean kind).

Never write anything down that you wouldn't want to read in public.

Despite the cringe-worthiness of all the well thought out MySpace Bulletins and Facebook posts that I read, I've decided to blog. It is a self-serving and narcissistic exercise that I hope will document the recurring themes in my daily life and help me gain some perspective. 

And the term 'free dog'? Several years ago, our well trained (or well intentioned training) German Shepherd trotted off from us on a walk and absentmindedly, I uttered "There he goes again, free doggin' it." He was off on his own, pretending not to hear us calling out 'come' and 'with me', sniffing the road, peeing on bushes, just doing his own thing. 

This is my 'free dogging' space. A place where I can let go of what normally rolls around in my head for hours at bedtime.