One of these things is not like the other

Either my cleaning lady is getting forgetful or she's trying to burn all my hair off.

Limonata (Spiked)

 + one shot of Kettle One = way easier than opening the wine bottle, recorking, using that weird sucking out the air contraption and then washing out the glass when I'm done. 

Further Proof that No One Should Speak to Me Unless I've Been Awake at Least 2 Hrs

Bad, teething filled night. Starbucks this morning some nice, unsuspecting man says to me, "How old is your daughter? I have an 8 mo. old at home. She just started sleeping through the night!"

I know he meant this as a 'show and tell' sort of conversation, but I took it, on my four hours of sleep, as shameless bragging and rubbing it in. Seeing as how I'd been up for about an hour, my personal filter was not in place and I said smugly back to him, "Oh really?! I'd love to tell you that's gonna last." 

Poor guy - I am such an evil bitch before 8AM. 

Home Depot Debacle

A window in our house refuses to stay open, apparently a 'balance' is broken. Said part was removed and taken to Home Depot for the 3rd time in attempt to replace it. Below is a summary of these trips and the explanation for why I will not make a 4th trip is inherent. 

1) "Oh, you want to replace that? We don't actually carry it and since today's Sunday, I can't order it for you. Come back during the week."

2) "Oh, you want to replace that? It's after 2PM, the warehouse is closed, come back before 2PM."

3) Salesman: "Ah, you again. Ok, so (baby screaming in background after 15 min. wait) how much does that window weigh?"

Me: "I have no idea." (Baby slapping me in face and screaming)

Salesman: "Well, to replace that part, I need to know how much that window weighs."

Me: "Ok. Um, how do I find that out?" (Assuming here that I will be instructed to find a model number or part that will point him to my exact window in his giant book of windows, therefore leading to a window weight)

Salesman: (Baby throwing hair bow, socks, shoes and screaming) "Well, you go home, get on the scale and write down how much you weigh. Then you take the window out of the sash, get back on the scale and write that number down. Then you subtract your weight from that number. Then you come back, let me know how much it weighs and we'll order it for you. But, that might take awhile, so maybe you want to come back when you have things under control."

For reals? The hell with the window, we have AC. 

Girlfight

I was more than a little excited when I heard the host of The Real Housewives of New York Reunion show say there was 7 hours worth of footage for the reunion alone. Alas, there are only two actual episodes, the second of which airs tonight. If they sold the raw footage, I'm ashamed to say I'd buy it and watch it all, probably seven hours straight, demanding solitude and total silence (same rules for the last episode of Sex in the City).

Shame aside, I LOVE watching the trainwreck that is Kelly. I think it makes me feel more normal. Or maybe I'm still a 14 yr. old girl dying to see the head cheerleader really get what's coming to her. Probably the later.

D has baby duty tonight and I am all set to go with my DVR and Chardonnay.

UPDATE: Yeh, I'm not really going to ever be happy until these two just have it out slapping and hair pulling. There, I said it, I don't care if my trailer trash side is showing.

Confessions of an Exhausted Mommy

Ok, I know I'm supposed to say I want to spend Mother's Day enjoying time with my family and relishing my good fortune to be happy and healthy. But really, deep down, I can't seem to bury this fantasy of just leaving the house and having a weekend ALONE. Sleeping on the beach, sleeping in, getting massages, facials and shopping. Ah, the good 'ole days.